Cyberbullying is reaching dangerous levels

The Internet and Social Media are powerful tools. It allows us the incredible opportunity to share our thoughts and experiences with billions of people around the world in an instant. While it can aid us in conducting research and getting to visit parts of the world virtually, it has also opened another platform for bullies and trolls.

Bullying among teens is nothing new, but it only happened at the bus stop, at recess or in the lunch line. Once a child got home, the bullying stopped.  Now with social media outlets, they are providing new avenues for it, often out of sight of parents and teachers. Statistics say girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber bullying.
Social media's popularity has taken cyberbullying to new dangerous levels. The emotional, sometimes physical, and social implications for the young person involved can be lifelong. Cyber bullying is any form of bullying, harassment or victimization online. It can spill from on-screen to off-screen and affect the face-to-face interactions.

In 280 characters or less on Twitter, one picture on Instagram, or one video on Snapchat, teens can make hurtful and emotionally scarring comments (sometimes anonymously) about fellow schoolmates. Up to a staggering 70% of kids report that they have been bullied or have witnessed bullying and/or cyberbullying. Only 1 in 10 victims will inform a parent or trusted adult of their abuse because they are embarrassed or afraid they will get into trouble themselves.

Online safety is becoming tricky and is fueling a rise in self-harming among teenagers. The rate of teenage suicide has increased gradually because of cyber-bullying. Sadly, a new word, bullycide (children killing themselves after being bullied), has surfaced. The good news is, it is possible to weather a bully attack and come out the other end OK. It’s all about how you approach the situation.

Bullying is NOT caused by social media. It's caused by bad human behavior. Talking to your children and teaching them good digital citizenship and resilience in the face of bullying can help. Help them use social media wisely and guide them in the steps to take to discourage the attacker.

Simple, practical steps can be taken to help manage the issue. Do not stoop to the level of the bully. Nothing makes you look worse than turning around and attacking in return. Take the time to listen to your children and not judge. Let your child know that you are there to help them, even if they are in trouble, you are there- no matter what.

Remember that it’s important to stay involved in their online lives (as well as physical lives) to help guide them through the tough times. Encourage empathy and resilience. Explain to them why open communication is so important, whether directly with you or a trusted adult they may feel more comfortable opening up to.
Reassure them that you won’t block their access to the internet and/or social media because they have reported a problem to you. It is not the app or platform that is causing the bullying! Advise your child not to retaliate or respond to any messages from a bully, which may prevent material being further used against your child. Have them block or unfriend the bully to stop contact with your child immediately. Help your child change their privacy settings to restrict who can see their posts and profile page.

Collect any screenshots of the cyberbullying to have evidence in case the bullying continues. Help guide your child in their decision making rather than telling them what to do. Empower your child and help them to make wise decisions for themselves. And if the situation persists and gets out of hand, contact the school and inform the police immediately if their physical safety is at risk.

Now, if your child is treating others badly, is dismissive of their feelings or targeting or intentionally excluding a child or group, they could be the bully. Do NOT ignore these signs. Explain to them the ramifications and life long harm they are doing to a human being. Talk to your child and get them the help that they need.

Bullies will always be in our world, whether online or face to face. All we can do is raise our children the best we can to NOT be bullies and not to let others get away with bullying. Do not let anyone ever dull their sparkle.

Mary Beth
Girl Talk Marlton www.girltalkmarlton.org
Queen of Wishful Thinkin’ www.queenofwishfulthinkin.com

Who do you want to be in the New Year?

A new year is upon us and with it, a chance to renew.  Many of us are getting ready to make resolutions to change something about our lives in the new year. The top resolutions for me were always losing weight, eating healthy and getting more organized. As good as my intentions are, by mid-March I usually forget the resolutions and don’t think about them again till years end (or bathing suit season-ugh) only to promise myself, “this will be the year I achieve these goals!”.

New Year is a chance to start fresh, so this year I am going to try something different and start the year off right with small, manageable changes to my lifestyle. Seriously, who is this person I believe I will become if I finally organize my house, lose the 40 lbs., join a gym, etc.? These are my LIFE goals and daily struggles not my New Year’s resolutions.  So, I started to ask myself, “Who do you actually want to become within this new year?” And the answer is an impactful positive influencer who is giving and gracious.

Here is my plan for achieving my resolutions. I am going to practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon all things I am thankful for.  I will start prioritizing the people that matter most in my life and make more time for them. I plan to remember important dates, be present in the moment, promote positivity by showing others small tokens of appreciation, practice daily acts of kindness, affect change by inspiring others and I will learn to be kind to myself. Whew!

Now that I have my plan, I can think of ways to achieve my goals. Volunteering will always be a huge part of my life and can be as big or small a commitment as time allows, but it’s always time worth spending. By donating your time, energy, and money to others, you’re practicing selflessness and kindness. Please consider volunteering for a cause close to your heart at least once a year.  Helping others can improve your well-being and give you a great sense of fulfillment. There is no greater gift than helping others. You’re not just making a positive impact—you’re being positively impacted, too.

If you are looking for ways to help others this year and do not have time to volunteer, one of the easiest things you can do is to donate your clothes instead of throwing them out. Donating things that you do not use or have in excess can help many that are homeless, fire victims and in a financial crisis right in your own neighborhood.

Also, make your spare change count. Save up coins and then donate them to a good cause once you’ve accumulated a sizable amount. Our Girl Talk chapter saves our change and donates the funds to children in our school’s lunch accounts. Another suggestion is spending time with the elderly, or helping the disabled or underprivileged. Help combat loneliness by spending an hour a week with someone who needs a friend. We all have a special skill or ability. Share your talents and offer your skills to a non-profit that could benefit from your help.

As I work on my plan, I hope you will think of your own and how you can improve someone else’s life and make the world a better place. By helping others, being kind and spreading love to those around you, the world would be a much happier place. Happy New Year!

~MB

Queen of Wishful Thinkin

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Will YOU Give Back this Holiday Season?

This is one of my favorite times of the year, it is not the weather I like (I prefer the sun and beach), but it’s the season of giving I adore.  Although giving back is a great thing to do all year round, everyone seems a little more generous and charitable as the holidays draw near. Our country has been through so much with recent devastation to millions of families from hurricanes, flooding, wildfires, and other disasters, now is a great time to help.

It is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle that the season brings. The endless commercials and advertisements combined with the pressures to shop, bake, decorate and wrap overshadow the true meaning of the holiday and can turn anyone into a Grinch. But take a second to stop and breathe. Count your blessings- your family, your friends, your job, and all that you have to celebrate. Just things we take for granted. Many people in our community do not have it as lucky as we do-and YES, even in our town.

One of the best things I believe you can do is teach your children that the holiday season isn't just about getting gifts. Start some new holiday traditions by engaging your family in community service projects. Spend one day thinking of others and to help spread your holiday cheer to more than just your family. Donate some non-perishable foods to help community members facing food insecurity during the holiday season. No matter your income level, you can find time to donate to others.  Find ways to practice kindness, a kind word or smile to a homeless person, serving others during the holidays, drawing a picture, writing a note, or comforting a friend or family member does not cost a thing but will be priceless.

Enjoying the little things, special moments, and the people in your life is a great way to celebrate the holiday season. But there's nothing like the warm and fuzzy feeling you get from making someone else happy, and that taps into the true meaning of the holiday season.

If you would like some ideas to help local families this holiday season, please reach out to me at GirlTalkMarlton@gmail.com

Happy Holidays to you & yours,

Mary Beth

HALLOWEEN -A TWEEN GIRL PARENTS NIGHTMARE

This weekend as I was perusing the aisles at the local Halloween store, I overheard a parent and a young girl, who couldn’t have been more than 6 years of age, arguing over her costume choice. It was hard to ignore, as the girl was very vocal in her choice of a sexy police girl costume. WHAT?! “SEXY” police girl costume for a 6-year-old?! NO! I identify with this mom's concern and admire her for telling her daughter no.

Of course, the child did not take no for an answer and kept throwing her tantrum in the crammed aisle. As I got closer, I noticed these sexy police girl costumes, in a size 4-6x, come with a mini skirt, black thigh highs and a low-cut top. FOR A CHILD?! The mom looked tired, frustrated and defeated by her daughter and the pressure from the selections of costumes the store had to offer. I leaned in to the girl and said, “I never saw a police woman wearing a skirt or any of those clothes, you won’t look like a real cop.” She looked up at me confused so I googled DIY police woman costumes and showed her how she could look like a real police woman at almost no cost. Mom smiled at me and the two of them started discussing how they were going to go home and make their own costume that looked like a real police woman. They both thanked me and were on their way.

It’s estimated that more than $1 billion dollars will be spent on Halloween costumes for kids this year. Halloween is meant to be fun, and dressing up should be creative but age-appropriate. Halloween costumes are a great way for kids to have fun expressing themselves and show their creativity, but sometimes it can cross the line -- especially for the girls. The pressure to wear a sexualized Halloween costume is increasing both in the marketing industry and among peers. Sexy Halloween costumes, long popular with adults, are now turning up in the kiddie aisle. Revealing getups are now available for girls as young as 3 and 4. WHY?

We want our daughters to grow up feeling comfortable in her sexuality -whatever form that takes -and to have the freedom to express that however she so desires. But that doesn't mean it’s ok with them being taught at such a young age that her sexuality and looks are more valued above all other traits — on Halloween or any other day of the year.

It’s normal for girls to use Halloween to want to look more grown up, but there’s a fine line between enforcing family rules and shaming girls for their clothing choices. So how do you negotiate kids’ outfits without killing their Halloween fun?

If you are a parent of a tween, (I will pray for you-lol) Halloween just got a hell of a lot more problematic for you with all the provocative costumes available. Before you decide to take your daughter shopping for a costume, have a conversation. You are going to have to help your daughter manage the image she’s putting forth with her costume. This is a parenting moment. Our children rely on us to set boundaries for them, so do it. Set clear expectations and share your values. Encourage her to express her creativity and have fun, but in a way, that is appropriate. Pre-teens/Tweens have no real comprehension of the negative message they’re sending when they put on a sexy Halloween costume. They are way too young to dress sexy, don’t give in to this.

If you are a parent of a teen (I will pray for you A LOT-lol), it’s normal for them to want to experiment with dressing provocatively, and Halloween is a prime opportunity for them to try to get away with it. As a parent, I don’t like it, but we need to understand it. As the girls are now into their teen years there are big changes in their bodies that we want them to love and accept. Adolescent girls should be able to expose a little bit of skin - whether it's Halloween or not -without feeling ashamed or vulnerable. This is another great parenting moment. Although we want our young ladies to love their developing bodies, it is also a great opportunity to revisit and share your values with your daughter. Help your daughter to explore her creativity and choose a tasteful costume that also satisfies her desire to fit in, explaining that it doesn’t need to be focused on sexuality.

There’s something sad about the world that the trend in young girls’ clothing is so sexual. They grow up quick enough. Let them have a childhood that is free from worrying about who society expects them to be.  Our girls deserve to be free to discover who they are on their own. All these provocative costumes do is bring negative and unwanted sexual attention to our little girls. They are too young to comprehend the ramifications and it is our job, as parents, to protect them. There is never a reason a kindergartener should be dressing as a “sexy police girl” costume for Halloween.

Have a Happy& Safe Halloween

QofWT